the pretender

behind the misty room and deafening music, your smile radiated like a lost star, waiting for someone to notice and own it.

it was just like any ordinary nights, people come in with an empty chest and with the hope of a sudden escape. and just like them, i was also craving for that moment, just for this another night.
i walked in and headed the bar to grab a bottle of beer. then scanned the place like i used to do and saw the usual look in everyone's eyes--- searching. i knew most of them were familiar faces and once i have crossed paths with. but none of them actually told me their real names--- no one actually told me who they really were. but no one can blame them since it was the unwritten rule of the place.

after finishing my bottle, i went straight and struggled to reach the stage alone. and wondered how this simple flatform could strip off anyone's hesitation. no wonder everyone is trying to climb up.

when i finally owned a small spot, i allowed the house music to succumbed me and it didn't take that long for my body to have a mind of its own. the spontaneity of the beat was a breather, melting the stiffness of the routine that engulfed my soul for the entire week. all i could do was to close my eyes and let my body grind all those baggages.

"nice move," a man in his late 20s told me as his firm spec and washboard abs drew closer to mine. for a moment, i felt the need touch it, grip his edgy midrib that was still visible even under the dim light, closer to mine. i felt a sudden hard on underneath my pants and the familiar crave to rub it on his legs. but the moment, he told me his name was "jake" and recognized that it was not the same name he gave me the last time we checked each other out, i moved away.
then behind me was a chinito guy, probably in his early 20s, semikal, shirt off too and has a lean but well defined body. surprisingly, his skin was illuminating our now shared space. his hips were moving in with the right beat as his eyes fixed in checking my package. i immediately wrapped my arms around his neck and bounce to the music unendlessly. i could feel his knees bouncing in between my legs as if teasing me to go down further. when the sensation was already dragging me to that unknown pit, i decided to swim above and instead, drew my face nearer to his almost burying my lips in his neck, looking for that familiar warmth. hmmm... even his sweat smells sweet.

suddenly, i tried getting his eyes to look at mine, just for me to have a glimpse of what he is keeping inside. but he avoided my stare until his own gestures told me what his real intentions were. then the spark we had just faded in an instant.

perhaps, i am just tired of all these chasing and would no longer settle into something temporary. so again, i backed off and went down the stage.

i struggled my way back to the bar again thinking of getting another bottle for my next attempt. then from a far, behind the misty room and deafening music, your smile radiated like a lost star, waiting for someone to notice and own it.

you were standing there calmly, your gestures were different from the other shadows that once lured that space. we looked at each others' eyes, as if we shared the same decision not to break the stare. for a moment, i thought i was looking at mine: your eyes has the same similar vivid colors and that dying flare in the middle of a deep emptiness, until a tantalizing line drew its way across your face.

the next thing i knew, i was already walking my way to the main street and would find myself a ride back again to the monotony of my life, i kept on escaping.
suddenly my phone rang. i immediately took it out of my pocket and checked it.
a message reads a simple "hi" from an unregistered number. then the first thing i thought was just your smile.


***an attempt to relive the posts i will surely miss.
my pens on you, mugen blue.