outside the circle: the crossdresser (part2)

next was nat, a cross dresser.

i must admit that ever since i was a kid and even before i met nat, i had an irrational fear against cross dressers: and that was solely against them. i can be with effeminates, gays, lesbians, bisexuals, asexuals, fems, fairies, butches and what have you. but not crossdressers. it was something irrational and baseless. thus, i can't really explain why. probably the least i could think of, is the impression that was instilled to me by my environment and i have carried over when until i grew up.

although i don't really have anything against them personally (or so i thought), i just feel uncomfortable when i am near them. that despite millions of pages that i have read about homosexuality and probably thousand of discussions about it, it was still insufficient to eradicate my fear completely.

then came nat.i met him at work. although we really didn't talk that much at first.

nat is your typical crossdresser that would enter the office with his louis vitton bag, shiny scarf wrapped around his neck, body hugging statement shirt, skinny jeans, oversized dolce shades and stilletos. probably if you are new in the floor, you'll be nailed in your seat, looking at him and thinking whether or not he is a dude or a babe.

source

but the thing with nat was, he was always reserve. you will seldom see him laughing or talking at the top of his voice. though he is always approachable and would never ever raise his brow on you.

one day, i met him in the pantry and we took lunch together. in a moment we were both overwhelmed with silence. then he decided to break the ice. i must say that he is a very good conversationalist. i haven't heard a single term from him that refered to fashion and hollywood stars. probably, he knew that my interest didn't rest there. we talked about various things: from the operations in the office to society and politics.

i invited him downstairs to smoke, in which he gladly accepted although he don't smoke. we continued our talk there and waited until our lunch break was over. in a way, i felt quite guilty. for i thought that probably he was just refraining himself from talking about his own interests. but in second thought, from the way the conversation went, you would not feel that the topic was actually alienating him. in fact, he was so good and hooked into it that my words are already failing me. for the first time, i dropped my walls against a crossdresser.

the next day, he invited me over for lunch in the pantry. in which, i also accepted. from then on, we became regular lunch and conversation buddies until i resigned last april. thus, when i was asked to do a character in an independent film. but i didn't fit the character sketch. so i immediately referred nat to do it. fortunately he was able to get the main character and now the film was already done with its production. it will be shown in a local film festival so better watch for it.

meeting nat made me realized so many things about crossdressers. i realized how pitifully ignorant i was and people like me as well, to throw such things against them. you'll even be surprised to learn that they are experiencing probably the gravest of discriminations. for it is not only coming from heterosexuals. but also among fellow homosexuals.

in the society that we currently have, determining a homosexual in a crowd can probably be as difficult as looking for a needle in a haystack. by the introduction of various homosexual classifications such as bisexuals, straight-actings, gay males etc. especially within urban/metropolitan settings, the image of a male homosexuals have transcended from the typical cross dressers into a more "tolerable image." some would actually argue that such introduction have benefited some male homosexuals for the gradual change in the picture of them have lessened the effect of discrimination. some actually called it as chamelioning: camouflging or adapting to its environment to avoid potential attacks.

however, this did not appraise the status of the cross dressers at all. in fact, if you're going to look at it, this actually made their status in a way, worst. for they are already being discriminated by bisexuals etc as well. most of the latter argue that they don't want to be near cross dressers for they open themselves (in terms of cross dressing being too loud and effeminate) from the discrimination of others. in addition, this also made finding a lover or a partner very difficult than before. for almost all male homosexuals nowadays, prefer to have a more masculine and straight acting partner than having an effeminate and cross dressing one.

but i don't really feel bad or worried for nat. some may think that its something like parents feel, worrying about the future and happiness of their gay child. thus, they repress it. but i will never advice nat to be more masculine in order to be happy. for i already know that he already is and simply being himself will even make him happier than everybody else. and who knows, if he was able to realize and made write me these, he can actually do the same to every person he will meet in his life. that they will also learn, just like me, that the personality of a person should not be judge by how they look, what they wear and what there preferences are. they should be treated just like any other individual: respected based from what you have gained from them and value for the things that they have marked and thought you.