call me selfish

i hate saying goodbyes to people i am close with, especially when i am forced to do it. there are times when i can't help myself from blaming others: the government, other people and even myself, why someone close have to go abroad. i want to blame the government for putting up such effective advertisements and reinforcements about how nobel being an overseas worker is? i want to blame our society for painting into our mentality, a picture of a greener pasture outside our own. i want to blame our own family, who kept on comparing the lives of other people who went abroad to our own household and how some expect us to go overseas.
but in reality, i can't really blame them since its a decision made by their own volition or worst even forced by the circumstances they are at: poverty or what not.
a couple of days back, i received an invitation from a friend inviting me for dinner. he also informed me that the rest of our peers were also invited and expected to come. and to top it all, it will be his treat. it was quite intriguing since he never threw one before. i even tried checking if there was a special occasion that i have forgot about him. but i don't really remember his birthday being near to mine.
when i arrived at the venue, late as usual, he was already there together with her girl friend (who also happen to be my bedmate way back in college). then the big surprise came in and me being caught off guardedly. he is leaving for dubai on tuesday and i didn't have the chance to persuade or atleast advise him about it. probably. they already know what i am going to say.
yes, i know, my words wouldn't really matter and its only there to widen their idea about things that may come. but as i usually say, its always there call.
i just can't help myself from getting frustrated and furious about the idea.
call me selfish.
but admit it or not, its really hard to lose a close friend or even a relative for that matter over a job abroad. it seemed as if everybody is rushing to go out. while there is a little or close to none who wants to go (back) in. probably before we know it, we're the only one left.
for the record, i already lost more than ten of my closest friends over such promises. some left for singapore, in the middle east, in korea and most in the united states. and what is more aggravating is the fact that, when they promise you that they'll just save up sufficient money and return, its usually the other way around. because the saddest part of such is, once they are already settled with their life, thats the point when they will decide to stay there for good, processed everything and be a citizen.
probably i am just scared of the idea that eventually all of us will be forgotten and left still waiting and holding on to the promise of returning back.

today, someone asked me if i have plans of going abroad.
i smiled and said, probably for vacation. the country is too full of memories to be forgotten.