in vino

"i like you," those were the words i heard as i drew my face near the shadow that grabbed me from my P7 bacardi coke and mojito.

"how about introducing myself first?" i said.

the shadow smiled.

"james, and you are?"

"A"

"pleasure."

A introduce himself as swedish, who was with another swedish friend (who A later revealed to be A's lawyer).

"care for another round of drinks for you and your friends? my treat."

but before i could refuse, A immediately went to the bar to get us a round of tequila. when A went back, all of my friends were already screaming, dancing off-beat and sweating profusely.

it was the first time, i saw them these loose. but i cannot blame them for we have drunk our three nights limit that night.

it was indeed a very wild night. honestly, no one can even remember clearly what happened. everyone has their own story of another.

someone had to carry someone from station 2 to the end of station 1, marking the entire trail of with what he had for dinner.

someone knelt on his bed and peed on his pillow.

someone almost lost his iphone but lucky enough to retrieve it after bravely slipping his hand inside another person's pocket after hearing it ring.

while someone had the chance to touch a couple of guys' 6 packs abs just to decide whose nicer.

it was just crazy.

"wanna go out from here?"

"i think i need to attend to my friend first. he is already wasted."

"you are just a sweetheart."

please. i am just not fond of compliments.

not our friend. hahaha!

"i don't know if i would take that as a compliment though."

"you should and seriously i like you," A repeated.

"just excuse my friend. A has a tendency to reiterate something A wants to point out, especially when the person also has the tendency not to believe it." then C winked.

"i bet you two are really good friends."

then we all laughed. A still insisted but the picture of my friends already slumbering in front of the comfort room was something my conscience could not really bear. but before we called it a night, A requested a favor.

"can i borrow your phone for a second?"

realizing the place to be a bit crowded and it would difficult for anyone to make a quick escape, i handed it over.

it was some digits and an email address. but what really caught my attention was As complete name.

a complete name:

first,

middle

and family name.

then it struck me.

***

honesty is just a breather nowadays, especially in a place where everything was supposed to be kept hidden.

thank you for the smile. appreciate it guys while is still genuine.

how am i?

i guess this is the time of the year when everyone turns back to where they have started. and i will not deny the fact that its been a while since i have posted an entry here.

it has been two years since i have decided to come up with a lifelist. and surprisingly, i was able to accomplish most of it. and while drafting this, i was able to cross out another one.

a saving's account. thanks to my boss who is trying to be a father to me for more than a year now. he ordered our finance manager to open me up one and argued that i need to be mature enough to think of my future. you will not believe what he tells me everyday at work, on top of business.

for the past months, i am just busy with work. probably, because i already have a team to manage and did not realize how difficult it is.

basically, i go to work at 8 and usually leave by 9 or 11 in the evening; that is from monday to saturday. but despite these, i am not complaining. in fact, if i did not write this post i will not realize that i have been doing this for the longest time now. lets just say i am simply enjoying what i am doing now because of what i have experienced before with the jobs that i really did not like doing (which i also chose not to dwell anymore).

last weekend, i had the chance to go to singapore and watch a broadway play that i always wanted to see, aside from rent and the phantom of the opera. it was wicked. the play just left me wordless whenever someone ask how was it. it was just too nice to be spoiled. but the trip also made me realize, a number of things i never expected will happen at least to me.

traversing this rich city opened me to a lot of things and even the possibility of working abroad, which i never really entertained before. the city provides almost everything a young professional would dream of, which simply equates to a more promising career. but beyond this, i decided not to be very hasty with my decision. try not to go with what other young people like me did.

honestly, my boss was a bit hesitant in allowing me to go to singapore. i knew he feared that i may not come back like what happened to his staff before me.

i am not even sure if what he told me was just to convince not to go or stay in singapore. but what he pointed at has some truth on it. he believes that the reason many young filipino professionals fail in singapore and returns back is because of lack of experience. most of them just risk going there after graduating because of the promise of a good opportunity without really equiping them with the right sets of skills and expertise. so having that in mind, i guess its will be just an open option for me. something that i could always go back to if worst comes to worst and if i already have the right skill sets and experience.

but it also made me think that i should travel more often. see the world more. a new lifelist for this year came in mind. 3 abroad and 5 (new) local destinations. luckily, someone asked me to do some "surprising engagements" in boracay next month. and regardless, how absurd it was, who can refuse an all expense paid trip?

after this, i am planning for another backpacking adventure in mindanao. i have only been to mindanao once. it was cagayan de oro last august, Eid al-Fitr to be exact. but it was more of a work engagement so i was not able to enjoy the place at all. hopefully, my itinerary and the people who are suppose to go with me (you know who you guys are), will push through. in fact, i have already my itinerary booklet prepared since last year. i have this thing with preparing itinerary booklets for each trip. see?

however, please be guided that i have no plans of turning my blog to a travel blog. let's just say i am widening my places to wander for wonders.

'til next time and take it easy, guys.

when L came

we all heard of rape. the most common being experienced by women. we also have heard and read about rape among men. the most controversial being among prisoners and POWs. in fact, someone reading this may also be a victim of rape one way or another.

a couple of weeks ago, i received an email from a friend who i have not heard for ages.

it was L and he came out to me on his message.

although the confession was not a surprised. i emailed him back, telling him what i felt. i was happy and proud of what he did. after sometime my phone rung. it was L.

i answered it and heard a trembling voice.

"i haven't told my family yet."

"don't worry it takes time. someday you'll just gain that courage to tell them. and everything will be just fine."

"i just wish its easier said than done, ewik. but honestly, i don't think i will ever have that courage because if i did, i should have already used it to tell it to my family by now.

...

i already reached my quota in disappointing my parents. and i really could not take seeing them getting frustrated again."

then L broke down.

it was the most torturing sound ive ever heard. a dying struggle between someone who is trying to be strong but at the same time on the verge of surrendering. it was just too much to bear.

"whats the problem," i asked.

"i just wish i can overcome all these. im trying to be strong, ewik. i really am."

it was just then when L told me everything.

several months after L's break up, he never really thought he can still go by loving someone like his former. he never came out from his place. he cut his communication from almost everyone he knew and cares about him.

but he is an introvert. so his parents never really got bothered about it.

there were times when hope visited L and accompanied him in his attempt to win back his former. but it seemed like promises, like a fruit, also wait for the picking.

the attempt made him at his worst and it took months to recover. almost a year to be a bit precise until a message from a site he started visiting gave him the spark for a new promise of hope, once again.

they started texting and calling. though despite the differences, the hope made it as if it was perfect--- it complimented, to quote him.

they went out several times and within just a couple of weeks it was already obvious-- the other party was already falling. unfortunately, as much as L wants to believe he feels the same way too, he just can't. but he still made himself hold to that promise.

until constant quarrels, unmanageable differences and demands grew beyond its intended limits, the flame of hope in L eventually died again. however, when he was about to tell that its over, the other party would not just let go.

passion eventually turned into obsession and sweet words became disturbing threats. the guy threatened L that he will expose him to his family, once he broke up with him. what made everything worst was the guy's obsession brought him to L's place, to his parents, family and loved ones--- in short to his life. L was caught off guard. he never thought, not even in his wildest imagination that he will be in that position.

L being an introvert never really had a lot of friends. hence, he never really had the opportunity to enjoy what he really is and what he can be. several negotiation followed but the obsession was way irrational from what he thought it was. there were attempts to plead but he guessed, at this point it was already hopeless.

honestly, it was really difficult for me to hear what he was narrating. i was mad and at the same time, weeping inside. every word was an indescribable agony. i suggested a number of things that i can do. but he refused. L just wanted the guy to get tired and eventually drop him despite the fact that he knows it will not happen anytime soon.

believed that it was everything, i asked him if we could meet the following saturday. but he refused. he told me that he is forced to visit and stay with the guy until the following morning, sunday. the idea of him just staying the night made me sick. eventually, he admitted. he is also forced to do it with him.

i tried not to think he was L, that he was a complete stranger who just wanted someone to listen at him. i tried imagining that he was just another random blogger who was trying to tell his experience. but regardless how i put it, it still felt awful.

"ewik, i have to go now. i am running out of credits and i cannot really afford of losing it. he always get mad whenever it happens. sorry, i am just scared."

i wanted to hug him; show him that he always have a friend who can always be there if he needs one. i wanted to help him with the best effort i can. unfortunately, all i can do and say during that time were:

"goodbye and always take care."